Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
