He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
