help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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