meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
