guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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