i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I would fuck him just for his dog
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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