I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
