I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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