Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize