She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
