Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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