I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
