dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
My balls are so social today.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
