I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
