When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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