Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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