Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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