I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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