trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
