i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
