Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
