This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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