Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
