I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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