Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
