My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
