So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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