I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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