she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
