Sorry, I don't speak sober.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
