i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
