I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
