I molested 6 butterflies tonight
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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