My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
