I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
