Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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