hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
