How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize