Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
