I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
