I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
