I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
