You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
grandma shit on top of the toilet
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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