he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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