I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
