it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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