How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Randomize
