my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
