We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
You pole danced in your parka.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
