"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
When are your genitals available?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
