When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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