are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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