the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
