FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
