Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
