I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
