I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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