i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize