Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
