Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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