they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
