He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
