I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
