I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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