dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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