Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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