new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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