I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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