forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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