Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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