made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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