I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
