Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
