i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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