I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
