just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
